We’re Too Hard On Ourselves.

I am not even sure we notice anymore. The slight jabs, the hurtful words, the manipulation, the bullying. If it were someone else doing it to us we would notice. We would see red flags and call for help, but when it comes to how we treat ourselves, we don’t give it a second thought.

We’re too hard on ourselves.

When we do something “right” it’s not enough, and when we do something “wrong” it’s world war 3 inside our own head.

Many of us wouldn’t dare to treat someone else the way we treat ourselves, especially a child.

A therapist at my boarding school used to tell me to stop myself when I knew I was beating myself up and imagine saying those things to little me. The me with crazy blonde hair, pink cheeks, a grin from ear to ear. I can’t yell at her, she’s too adorable. But the problem is that usually I’m not even aware that I’m being unkind to myself, it’s second nature. And so before I even have time to imagine cute little me, I’ve already done too much damage.

Kindness to self is so important.

If we cannot love and respect and give grace to ourselves we will not be able to fully give that to anyone else. That is truth beyond a shadow of a doubt.

We often miss that detail. We get that loving God is important, and we get that loving others is important, but loving ourselves gets thrown to the wayside. And I don’t mean loving ourselves in the self-absorbed sense, we’re pretty good at that. I mean truly loving ourselves, respecting our fears, listening to our needs, and giving ourselves a break.

Can you give yourself a break today?

When the dishes don’t get done can you say to yourself, “That’s okay, I’ll get them tomorrow.” Or when you yell at your husband for no good reason can you apologize to him and then say to yourself, “It’s okay. you’re human. You’re doing your best here”.

Because isn’t that the real truth?

We’re all just doing our best.

That’s been my new self talk: “Lizz, you’re doing the best you can.”

I’ve even started speaking it over other people. Some people I know and some I do not. When I find myself judging someone in the grocery store, I tell myself that they’re doing the best that they can too. It changes the way that I see a total stranger, like we’re allies in this messy world.

We’re all doing the best that we can in any given moment. Even in our worst moments, we’re just trying to survive, to get by, to stay sane.

If you remember nothing else I’ve written here today, remember this: Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with your heart. Give yourself grace in every moment, in every decision. When you make what feels like a mistake, honor the part of yourself that felt like that was the right thing to do. There are a million things in this world that will beat us up, so don’t do that from that inside.

We’re doing the best we can, and that is enough.