Tag Archive for: goals

When Doing Nothing is Everything

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I’ve always been drawn to excitement, adventure, newness, importance. I want to be a part of big things, and make big, beautiful waves with my little life. In Sunday School I was always taught that God had a big plan for my life. And so my little heart dreamed real big, like being the next mother Theresa, or carrying Jesus in my womb, or being a movie star. But what I didn’t quite understand is that God’s big plans often look pretty small and insignificant to us.

We search and search for that big plan for our lives we’ve heard so much about. But in reality, we’re already living it. Many of us won’t do a “big thing”. We won’t cure cancer, or become a well-known vlogger, or be the chef at Buckingham Palace. And the truth is, If we end up in any of those places, chances are that isn’t the “big thing” in our lives anyway. Because the little things, those are really the big things.

As I sit here staring into the eyes of my rambunctious little toddler, I’m wondering about the big things. Last week I turned down the opportunity to audition for a play I desperately wanted to be a part of. But the timing felt wrong, so I didn’t. And that felt like a much bigger “thing” a much more fulfilling purpose then choosing to be home to put my baby to bed every night. But I know, those little things matter. The cuddles, the diaper changes, the many “I love you’s”, the hand holding while I’m trying to drive. Those are really big things.

Sometimes people tell me I should write a book. In fact, I have some beautiful people in my life that believe in my big dreams more than I do. But the truth is, I may write a book, I may not. I may become a known author like my dad, I may not. But I’m learning not to care so much about the outcome, the goal itself. The meat of our lives, the shaping of who we are, it’s all about the journey. The good the bad, it all somehow means something.

Yesterday I had three panic attacks. The day felt like a total flop. Yes, I got some things done, but how am I making any kind of difference in anyone’s life, including my own, if I can’t even get through an allergist appointment without sweating through my sweater. But every panic attack is teaching me. It’s teaching me that I can mom even through really hard moments of anxiety. It’s teaching me to cling to Jesus because my moments feel out of control and scary. And it’s teaching me to slow down, to care for myself, to ask for help, to breathe deep. Important lessons that should not be ignored.

If you know me at all you know that I love David. David from the Bible that is. I love his story. Lowly shepherd boy, doing the dirty work. How boring to be a shepherd? How stressful to keep the wolves away from the sheep? How chaotic to herd all those fluffy little things exactly where he needed them to go. But guys, David became a king, and I’m sure you can guess how all of those mundane tasks translated into him ruling a nation. And yes, he might have kind of messed up a bit by having a dude killed so he could sleep with his wife. But the point is, he was just a human guy, being a shepherd, and God used that.

Okay, but we probably won’t end up ruling a nation or anything right? So what if we’re just a shepherd our entire life and it doesn’t amount to anything bigger? It always amounts to something bigger, we might just not always see the bigger or be acknowledged for it. Our lives have a ripple effect, causing shifts we know nothing about.

A few weeks ago our pastor spoke a bit about Mother Theresa. Now there’s someone who did something great, right? We can all see it, and secretly, we all want to live a life with that much purpose. But what struck me was what he said about her mother. She wasn’t extraordinary to the human eye, but she always welcomed people into her home. She told her daughter from a young age “never eat a mouthful without first sharing it with others”. That example she set for her daughter changed the world.

The little things matter, they really do. Because in the end, they really are the big things. So in the mundane day to day when it all feels like a jumbled mess, or when you’ve lapsed back into unhealthy coping skills, remember that it’s all important. It’s all about the journey. Maybe doing “nothing” is everything.

When Doing Nothing is Everything.

/in ,

I’ve always been drawn to excitement, adventure, newness, importance. I want to be a part of big things, and make big, beautiful waves with my little life. In Sunday School I was always taught that God had a big plan for my life. And so my little heart dreamed real big, like being the next mother Theresa, or carrying Jesus in my womb, or being a movie star. But what I didn’t quite understand is that Gods big plans often look pretty small and insignificant to us.

We search and search for that big plan for our lives we’ve heard so much about. But in reality, we’re already living it. Many of us won’t do a “big thing”. We won’t cure cancer, or become a well known vlogger, or be the chef at buckingham palace. And the truth is, If we end up in any of those places, chances are that isn’t the “big thing” in our lives anyway. Because the little things, those are really the big things.

As I sit here staring into the eyes of my rambunctious little toddler, I’m wondering about the big things. Last week I turned down the opportunity to audition for a play I desperately wanted to be a part of. But the timing felt wrong, so I didn’t. And that felt like a much bigger “thing” a much more fulfilling purpose then choosing to be home to put my baby to bed every night. But I know, those little things matter. The cuddles, the diaper changes, the many “I love you’s”, the hand holding while I’m trying to drive. Those are really big things.

Sometimes people tell me I should write a book. In fact, I have some beautiful people in my life that believe in my big dreams more than I do. But the truth is, I may write a book, I may not. I may become a known author like my dad, I may not. But I’m learning not to care so much about the outcome, the goal itself. The meat of our lives, the shaping of who we are, it’s all about the journey. The good the bad, it all somehow means something.

Yesterday I had three panic attacks. The day felt like a total flop. Yes I got some things done, but how am I making any kind of difference in anyone’s life, including my own, if I can’t even get through an allergist appointment without sweating though my sweater. But every panic attack is teaching me. It’s teaching me that I can mom even through really hard moments of anxiety. It’s teaching me to cling to Jesus because my moments feel out of control and scary. And it’s teaching me to slow down, to care for myself, to ask for help, to breathe deep. Important lessons that should not be ignored.

If you know me at all you know that I love David. David from the Bible that is. I love his story. Lowly shepherd boy, doing the dirty work. How boring to be a shepherd? How stressful to keep the wolves away from the sheep? How chaotic to herd all those fluffy little things exactly where he needed them to go. But guys, David became a king, and I’m sure you can guess how all of those mundane tasks translated into him ruling a nation. And yes, he might have kind of messed up a bit by having a dude killed so he could sleep with his wife. But the point is, he was just a human guy, being a shepherd, and God used that.

Okay, but we probably won’t end up ruling a nation or anything right? So what if we’re just a shepherd our entire life and it doesn’t amount to anything bigger? It always amounts to something bigger, we might just not always see the bigger or be acknowledged for it. Our lives have a ripple effect, causing shifts we know nothing about.

A few weeks ago our pastor spoke a bit about Mother Theresa. Now there’s someone who did something great, right? We can all see it, and secretly, we all want to live a life with that much purpose. But what struck me was what he said about her mother. She wasn’t extraordinary to the human eye, but she always welcomed people into her home. She told her daughter from a young age “never eat a mouthful without first sharing it with others”. That example she set for her daughter changed the world.

The little things matter, they really do. Because in the end, they really are the big things. So in the mundane day to day when it all feels like a jumbled mess, or when you’ve lapsed back into unhealthy coping skills, remember that it’s all important. It’s all about the journey. Maybe doing “nothing” is everything.

New Years Resolutions, Dreams, and Motherhood.

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I’ve never been much of a resolution gal, but I’ve always been a dreamer. And who doesn’t perch at the beginning of a new year and daydream about what is to come? Some of us make one big goal, some choose a word, some choose so many goals that we collapse overwhelmed three days in.

But as I sit here on my couch, in stillness, my dreams for the new year feel a bit jumbled. There are dreams for my family and our future that come easily and without much coaxing. And there are dreams for just myself-big ones, impossible ones, things that once seemed attainable. But there’s a shift once you have a little person or two relying on you for life…your dreams take a back seat. They just do, it’s the nature of things. And the backseat is fine because they’re still in the car, they’re just not the focus, the one up front controlling the radio. But how do I honor my dreams just as strongly when they’re not in the forefront? Is it even possible to have dreams and change diapers?

Of course there is, right? Women have been doing it for ages. But sometimes when you’re up to your elbows in someone else’s poop, it doesn’t really feel like there are dreams beyond motherhood.

So what do we do? Where do we turn? Do we just throw in the towel and “wait until their older” to honor our souls? Big fat NOPE. Baby steps my friends, that’s how. Because achieving the goal isn’t really the purpose, it’s about honoring ourselves enough to reach towards the goal, and move into the space of accepting our dreams.

This year I’ve come face to face with the reality that I have given up on the dream I have had since I was a little girl: the dream of being a professional actress. I used to stand in front of my mirror and accept an Oscar over and over again. I’d sing the songs from Les Miserables until my throat was sore . But life got in my way a bit, and over the years the dream was pushed to the side. I remember being accepted into college, crying inside that I had never even tried to get into NYU as I had always dreamed.

The truth is, my life has changed. But that dream is still there asking to be acknowledged in some way. And so I will continue to honor it by bravely auditioning for shows in my area, and taking dance classes at 28 years young. And maybe just maybe I will stretch way out far and be an extra in a movie. Baby steps.

There are other dreams too-to write a book, to get back into half marathon shape, to travel more. And they all begin with baby steps. Dreams that I give life to in even the most minuscule of ways. Who cares if I “get there”, all that matters is that I reached towards it, even while momming.

And can I just say friends, let’s not forget that reaching for our dreams is an absolute privilege. I do not take for granted the freedom I have to dream and do something about it.

Dream big this year mamas, and baby steps.

Creating not Becoming

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I’ve always been creative, but I’ve never been able to nail it down to one passion. I love acting, singing, decorating, writing-the list goes on and on. I love to create.

For so many years I thought I had to choose. How could I be all of those things? It didn’t fit into what I had been subconsciously absorbing since I was a little girl: that I had to choose something to be known for. Not to mention, that being known by others was of utmost importance.

Creating became a source of great pain for me throughout college and years after. It felt too hard. There was too much pressure, I couldn’t choose what I wanted to be the creator of. I retreated into myself. I was able to skate by using only the creativity I needed to create lesson plans for my preschool class and nothing much more.

Still the nudge to create kept seeping into every area of my life and I couldn’t stop it. I auditioned for a show, got in, and spent the next two years creating as an actress. It was glorious. And then I got pregnant, slowed down, and that desire to create onstage took a back seat to a different form of creativity-writing. For the first time in my life I was content with the switch. I wasn’t afraid I would lose theatre, I knew that would be there when I needed it. I didn’t feel like I was choosing, I felt like I was just cycling creativity to match my phases of life. It was unexplainably freeing.

This morning I am organizing and redecorating the house, which is one of my favorite creative outlets. Under our guest room bed I have been storing my keyboard and guitar, untouched for a few years. As I pulled them out from the dust bunnies, I felt that suffocating need to put these instruments to good use. My mind flipped over to schedule mode and I began to strategize how to get practice time in every day, setting goals to lead worship in church as a seasoned pianist. And then I stopped myself. This was all wrong. These are creative outlets, to be used as I desire, on my own time, in their own cycle. I can put them up in the guest room to be more accessible, but they are about creating, not becoming something more.

You see, there’s nothing wrong with becoming something. Goals are wonderful things, and sometimes we have to push ourselves to reach our goals. But for a perfectionist like myself who sets goals for everything, the importance of creating with no need to become anything is so important.

I challenge you my friends, to create to your hearts content without asking that you always become. Take a pottery class for no reason, or paint a watercolor of your backyard, no strings attached. The pressure for everything we do to be moving us towards “success” is exhausting. Creating allows us to be without needing us to become.

Saying No To The Typical New Years Resolutions.

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I love the new year as much as the next gal.

I love the mentality of a fresh start, setting goals, moving forward.

But I always seem to put a lot of pressure on my new year’s self. Like it’s the job of new year me to pick up the slack on the last year. Okay self, you kind of sucked this past year, so in this new year you need to do all of this stuff, ok? 

Oh my gosh it makes me tired just thinking about all that pressure.

Every year, listing the things I need to do better, do differently. It’s not very encouraging. In fact, I often feel burnt out before I’ve even begun. My expectations set so high, come crumbling down at the first ounce of failure. And then comes the shame. Well, Lizz, you’ve done it again. Another year of failure, missing the mark.

I won’t do it another year.

So this year I wonder how different it would be if maybe we partnered with ourselves a little bit more. Gave ourselves a little bit of a loving pep-talk instead of a strict diet, or an out-of-our-control achievement, or expecting things from ourselves that we are not ready to give.

I am going into the new year with baby steps, not leaps and bounds.

I am going to partner with myself on this life journey instead of expecting myself to move mountains just because the date changes.

Our resolutions don’t have to be a list of things screaming “You’re going to do better this year!”. 

Instead they can be gentle encouragements to ourselves. Set structure, sure. Join the gym, get a new water bottle, carve out an hour every day to work out. But give yourself a few set days off as well.

My old resolution voice might be saying to me this year, “seriously, you have to publish a book! Get a better job. You need to be doing devotions more. You definitely have to be in more plays. Run another half marathon. Blog every day, no matter what, no breaks EVER. Do better! Be better! Love better! Create more! It’s not enough, it’s never enough, Lizz. YOU MUST BE BETTER!

 Oh Good Lord, no more!

This year my new year’s resolution is to pursue my own physical, emotional, and spiritual health by listening closely to my own needs. I will chase after my love of creating no matter where that takes me, letting go of lofty expectations, and stepping into the fear. I will continue to love, learn, and humble myself in all of my relationships. I will give myself grace, and speak kindly into my fears and moments that feel like failures. I will take it all moment by moment. I will work toward trusting myself to know what’s best, remembering that the Holy Spirit is with me and flows through me. Above all else, I will love myself and give myself grace for all of life’s hard moments.

Happiest of New Year’s to all of you, my faithful readers and friends. It is a privilege to share life with you. I pray that as we move into what next year has for us,  we will all be so very gentle with ourselves.