I Don’t Want To Be A Christian Anymore.

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I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.

I am so tired.

Lately I see too many things being done in the name of God that I can’t make sense of.

It’s hard for me to see Jesus when we’re turning away refugees in fear, or shaming our brothers and sisters for their sexual orientation.

I don’t blame anyone for hating Christians right now.

I wouldn’t like us very much either.

How often do selfishness, pride, and anger drive decisions and words?

Lord have mercy.

Can we blame those who don’t trust Christians? Those who don’t want to step foot in a church?

I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.

I don’t want to belong to this agenda, this hate, this Christian chaos around me.

I want to be a part of a different Christianity. One that seeks out love above all else. One that welcomes the homeless, feeds the poor, loves the broken. I know many that live this way. And I am thankful that there are still those living with their arms reaching to Jesus, running after Him with all that they are. Those that desire to be more like Him.

But right now, the spotlight is on a different kind of Christianity. The kind I want no part of. The kind where people speak just to hear their own voices and quote the words of Jesus to meet their own agenda.

It is sickening. And my heart is saddened that the world is seeing that and not the love of Jesus.

Is that not what we are called to do in this world? To be the love of Jesus? That is all that is asked of us. Not to condemn others, or shame them, or drag them into a relationship with Christ. But to love like Jesus.

He is in control of all else.

 

What My Instagram Doesn’t Tell You.

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So once upon a time (or in 1837) to be exact, this guy named Louis Daguerre invented the first semi-practical camera. And that was the beginning of it all.

At first, photographs were so difficult to take that only royalty could afford such a luxury. These photographs were used solely for historical purposes. No one had millions of photographs all over their houses. But then of course it began to evolve. As the photography process got simpler, more and more people were able to benefit from it.

And now here were are, able to take photographs from many different devices. We can print them, post them, and send them from our email through the abyss to someone else’s email. It’s unbelievable isn’t it?

I love pictures. I’m not always so good at remembering to take them, but I love looking back on the most perfect moments of my life and remembering. That’s usually what we take pictures of, isn’t it? The perfect moments, the smiling moments, the moments we never want to forget.

Thanks to modern technology, many of our relationships are based on pictures. How many friends from high school and college do you rarely talk to, but follow on social media through their pictures? For me, it’s a whole lot. It’s pretty incredible actually.

But I think that we forget sometimes that they’re just pictures.

We forget that nobody is posting on Instagram the angle that highlights that zit on their chin, or the pictures of their children throwing a tantrum at the grocery store. We just don’t. We like to capture the moments we want to remember.

My Instagram is a sea of pictures of Max (my apologies to all who follow me), with the occasional photo of Eric and I, usually looking our best and properly edited. Nothing wrong with that, right? But there’s a lot of other stuff to our life too.

I’m not taking pictures of the hard days, the ones that make me want to crawl back into bed. I’m not grabbing a selfie while Eric and I are deep in a heated argument. I’m not posting pictures of myself mid panic attack.

Pictures are not a full representation of anyones life. They just aren’t.

And I think that we forget that.

We look at other people’s lives through pictures and it feels like our lives suck. Like we’ve missed the perfect train that everyone else is riding.

Sometimes we just need to take a breath and remember that real lives are happening behind those pictures of real people, flawed as us.

Though pictures may not always show it, life is pretty messy for all of us.

So the next time you see a picture of someone else’s life that makes you feel inferior, remember, that it is just a picture, and they are just a person.

 

 

Is It Holiday Joy or Holiday Cheer?

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I love Christmas.

I love the colors, and the lights, and the food, and the parties.

I feel unusually happy this time of year. Next year has not yet started, and I am hopeful about what is to come (at least until January sets in, but that’s another post).

Most people would define this elated Christmas spirit as joy. After all, that’s a key Christmastime word, especially for Christians. But I think it’s actually something a little bit less than joy, and a little bit more like holiday cheer.

Now don’t get me wrong, holiday cheer is awesome! But joy should not be confused with it, because they are quite different, even though they initially give us that same warm feeling inside.

So first let me define holiday cheer, for those of you wondering. Holiday cheer is that feeling you get when your Christmas tree is decorated to perfection, and there are cookies baking in the oven. It’s that feeling that you get when you walk into a department store and there’s tinsel in every corner, and big wreaths, and lights. It’s your first peppermint mocha of the season.

Holiday cheer is so wonderful, but it is not to be confused with true joy.

True joy can weather any storm.

It is there during the holidays, through the mundane, and even in the deepest pain and suffering.

Joy is powerful.

Joy is more than a season where all seems merry and bright.

It is more than a peppermint mocha, or the beauty of bright lights, or the warmth of a holiday party.

And so I challenge us this season to give true joy the recognition it deserves and not just lump it in with the excitement of the Holidays.

Because true joy cannot be seen very well in the good times, but instead shines brightly in the darkest of places.

I wish you all a season of holiday cheer and a lifetime of joy!

 

 

Thankfulness Is More Than Just A Season.

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Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I am brimming with thankfulness.

As I write, brownies are baking in the oven, filling the entire house with the smell of dutch chocolate. The house is clean, and the laundry put away. Eric will be home from work soon, and we will spend the evening watching a movie snuggled in front of the fireplace. Tomorrow we will spend Thanksgiving with our family, stuffed to the brim with good food.

I have much to be thankful for.

Many of you can relate. Though you may know hardship, there is much to to be thankful for.

There is great importance in acknowledging our many blessings. It humbles us, and gives glory to the one from whom all blessings flow.

But I also want to know thankfulness in the less obvious sense. Thankfulness when all seems to be falling apart, thankfulness in the messiness of life, thankfulness when I am not getting my way.

That’s a different kind of thankfulness, one that must be practiced. Because thankfulness when we are surrounded by so many wonderful things, is, let’s be honest, kind of easy. But thankfulness in the midst of not-so-wonderful, stretches us.

I don’t just want to be thankful when it makes sense to be thankful; like when I am surrounded by people I love and stuffed full of turkey. I want to be thankful when it doesn’t make sense to be thankful. Like when anxiety is gripping my very soul and I just want to curl up in bed, I want to be thankful for a bed to curl up in and a God who hears my cries. And when our January heating bill comes and it’s almost as much as our mortgage, I want to be thankful for a home to heat.

I want to practice thankfulness in every moment. Not just tomorrow, or until after the Holidays are over, but in every single moment.

Because thankfulness is more than just one day where we acknowledge all that we have before going out and buying a bunch of stuff on sale. Thankfulness is a mindset, a choice, a lifestyle.

So much to be thankful for, both when it’s obvious, and when it is not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Those Aching This Holiday Season.

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Thanksgiving is upon us.

We are rushing to the store, baking pies, stuffing turkeys, vacuuming the house, cleaning windows.

Everyone is busy, alive with the hustle and bustle of the season, the cheer of the holidays.

But every year, right before the holidays begin, before the distractions ensue, I am reminded of the pain of this world.

This holiday season there will be empty seats at tables all over the world. People we miss dearly, people we want back.

This holiday season some will spend in hospital beds or beside them, in chemo treatment, rehab, secluded with debilitating depression.

The holidays carry much joy, but are also a reminder of the deepest pain.

Let us be gentle with how we celebrate. Because, for so many, this holiday season cannot end soon enough. Every decoration, every meal, every song, a reminder of what is missing, of what was lost.

If you are aching this holiday season, can I say that my heart reaches out to you. I am praying for God’s strength and peace. For He also knew suffering in this season, and he walks with us. He takes our hands and he says, “I know this is hard. I know you cannot bear it. But am with you and you will make it through.”

“The Lord Bless you and keep you; The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” -Numbers 6:24-26

 

 
 

 

How Living Life Intentionally Is Unintentionally Driving Us Crazy.

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I hear a lot of stuff about living intentionally. The idea is a beautiful one, revolving around living on purpose and not wasting moments.

However, because of the fact that we are humans, living intentionally is often distorted into the idea of living in constant fear that you are missing out on something or not pouring enough of yourself into something. This is also known by some as FOMO or the Fear Of Missing Out (read what Brené Brown has to say on this here).

What we often fail to remember is that living intentionally and with purpose is not about micromanaging and perfection, it’s about peace and surrender.

Living life intentionally is not about constantly looking over your shoulder just to check if you accidentally aren’t being intentional, it’s about looking at what is right next to you in each moment and doing the best you can right then and there.

It’s about peace, not insanity.

And yet we drive ourselves crazy trying to do it all. Trying to living every moment with as much intention as the last, making every moment count.

I can’t help but wonder; what if every moment counts just because?

What if living intentionally is more about noticing and reacting, then actively planning anything?

Maybe we’re all just trying too hard.

Ever feel like you’re constantly balancing a million porcelain plates on top of your head with a pencil?

Yeah me too. That’s NOT how it needs to be.

Living intentionally is about resting in each moment (yes resting), observing what is happening around us, and reacting to those things that catch our attention.

Believe me guys, God is big enough to draw our hearts towards the things he wants us to notice. After all, He created those thoughts.

No micromanaging, no overanalyzing, just living fully present in each moment and responding to where are heart leads us.

Doesn’t that sound so much easier than balancing those porcelain plates?

Yeah, I think so too.

 

When We Only Help Others Because “The Bible Tells Us So”.

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As Christians it’s easy to fall into the trap of caring for others because “the bible tells us so”. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been caring for or serving someone, but were kind of annoyed about the fact that you “had to”?

I have.

And I have also been on the other side of the table; being cared for by someone who obviously doesn’t care all that much.

Neither position is doing anything all that great for anyone.

You see, we think that as long as we are going through the motions of caring that it is enough, but it’s actually kind of not. It’s not the real thing.

It’s fake.

Of course we’re not robots and not everyone can be on all the time. I, of all people, get that. I can care for one person at a time and I need a serious emotional break in between, that’s just how I work.

But in the meantime, when we need a break from caring for someone else, let’s not pretend, okay?

Let’s not ask people how they are doing and then tune out when they really tell us how they are.

Let’s not offer to do something for someone else and then get annoyed when we have to follow through.

Let’s not just be nice to be nice, but let’s actually be nice to each other because we all know that life is hard and scary and complicated sometimes.

It’s not enough to say all the right things and do all the right things. It’s just not. Our hearts must be in it. Jesus didn’t tell us to just go through the motions of loving people, he said,

“Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

So yeah. That seems pretty straight forward.

{picture courtesy of Holley Gerth}

Why We Need To Chill A Little Bit On The “Big Experiences”.

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There’s an epidemic that’s sweeping the nation.

It’s one not often talked about because most people see it as entirely freeing, not at all enslaving.

It’s the new thing. everybody is doing it. And if you’re not, you’re missing something.

At least that’s what it would have you think.

No longer are young people like myself graduating college and getting jobs and settling down.

Everyone is searching for something bigger, something better…

ALL THE TIME.

It doesn’t seem like just a phase, or an itch to see the world a little bit, or try new things. It’s this driving force, telling us that we need to be doing something so huge that everyone can see how awesome it is.

It’s this inability to settle into mundane and simple.

Literally we can’t do it.

I was cleaning out my closet the other day, and one of my best friends from college came over to catch up. She sat on my unmade bed as I meticulously went through all of my old clothes in an effort to part with the ones I didn’t need.

And while I worked, we began to talk, and a theme erupted through the conversation.

“Not enough”

We both were feeling like we weren’t doing enough, being enough, experiencing enough.

Interestingly, this has been the theme of so many conversations I have had over the last few months with other friends of mine.

We all feel like we need to be doing something big and bold.

I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t do spontaneous things, follow our dreams, travel the world.

But not everything has to be recognized as a “big thing” by the world around us.

We don’t have anything to prove to anyone else, or even ourselves.

We don’t need to let this driving force of “not enough” take us to a million different places before we realize that what we were following was something empty, not our own hearts, not the heart of our maker.

If you want to travel, or get a new job, or move to a new place then do it!

But you don’t have to.

You really really don’t.

You can stay right where you are and be right where you need to be.

There are big things happening all around us.

The fact of the matter is, that no matter where we are in life or where we’re stationed in the world, there is a purpose for our lives and an adventure to be had.

We can’t lose sight of that because we think that we need to be somewhere else.

We can trust in the one who goes before us, who leads our lives, we can simply follow his direction.

We can rejoice in the life we are living, the adventure all around us, and let go of that controlling force that tells us that we must be doing something else, somewhere else.

Take a deep breath.

Right now, in this moment, we are right where we need to be.